As promised, now for something completely different: life as a new Dad.
I sit, holding baby Liana in my arms
Head resting against my chest
She breathes, pants, eyes flickering between asleep and awake
A turn, a shriek, a burp stuck
Half an hour of toing and froing, the process starts again
And again, a shriek, she clenches her little body trying to push out the
Two hours of this and it’s time to give to Mum
A hard night, for all three
A burp missed
24 hours later I hold my little girl in the same place
I’ve given her less milk tonight
We’ve taken extra time to drink it slowly
She rests and I type with my thumbs
Phone light glowing in the dark room
Lighting up my face, the back of her head
21st century baby and dad
She makes the odd grunt, stirring from the comfort of dad’s chest
Comfort for baby. Comfort for dad.
It can be exhausting. Non stop.
Cleaning, tidying, working.
No beers with the lads. No dinner or movie with the wife
Dinner time ruined, again
Add in the tears and yells
Not much fun, a lot of the time. Not gunna lie.
Stress management takes a new dimension.
But those little moments
Are worth all the cries
A cliche, yes
Worth all the screams, tears and no beers
I write this note over three nights
Through the full range of emotions
Baby in your arms, face tilted on chest, cheeks puffed out, mouth wide open
The difficult moments will pass
The beautiful moments stay
Time, we don’t get back
The excitable little face spinning from side to side, baby wide awake, eyes
What is she thinking about?
Things aren’t as new and exciting for me as they were when I was in my 20s
Or in my teens. Or a child.
Imagine what baby is thinking, not even two months old
A trip to the nappy station a big deal
The zippiest, most interesting expressions often during a nappy change
After that playpen. Six minutes of alone time – we’re doing just fine
There are different kinds of tears. Those that just flow, for no reason.
Or for the reason that she doesn’t know how to talk
Or that she doesn’t even know what she thinks yet. So little. So helpless.
A journey. The learning. More alert day by day.
Occasionally cries accompanied by real tears, enough to melt a heart
A little thing so helpless in distress. And there ain’t much you can do.
The flat was clean earlier today
Now a pile of dirty dishes beckons
Clothes all over the place
Liana’s stuff all over the floor
One day. Such a mess. No space and a newfound admiration for single parents.
Need to make time to rest
Better make the most of it while you can
Before you know it you’ll be on the next bit of tidying, catch up with sleep,
back to work
Another day and she’s settled on my chest as I type this script, again
Her warm head tucked under my beard
My warmth comforting her. Her warmth comforting me.
little breaths cutting through the silent night time air
The breath of life. So calm. So natural. Purity.
Simplicity at it’s beautiful best. This moment.
So small and fragile yet full of life
Duties beckon. Let’s get this little lady to bed
Success for now, that’s all we can do
Enjoy every moment, even when you can’t
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